If you know me well, you will find it hilarious that I have written a piece on anything Hulk-related. (I had - have? - a terrible fear of the Lou Ferrigno Hulk.) But I found the Disney+ series She-Hulk irresistible as a way to share what it’s like to be a clergywoman. You can read my thoughts on the parallels on Baptist News Global.

Often we think of hospitality as simply greeting guests or handing them plates of food and glasses of sweet tea. Really, though, it’s much more than that. True hospitality draws people into ever-deeper layers of engagement, up to and including inviting them to share power with us. Read more about the many layers of hospitality here on the Cooperative Baptist Fellowship blog.

Photo by Clay Banks on Unsplash.

October is Pastor Appreciation Month, but like all Hallmark observances, this observance really points toward the need to value who your pastor is and what your pastor does all the time. Recently Rev. Joanna D’Agostino, pastor of Lakewood Congregational Church in Ohio, told me about the ways her congregation supports her. She graciously agreed to guest write a post about what this care looks like, what it means to her, and how other churches might show appreciation to their leaders. Below are her good words in response to my questions.

On a recent call with Laura, I was sharing about some of my frustrations with ministry and church, time-management and focus, and just the heaviness of it all. But I felt the need to clarify to her, “I have so much support from my church.” Ministry is really hard, but it’s a game-changer to be a part of a church that values my health and my clarity of call and recognizes that we are in Covenant with one another. I’ve felt this at both churches I’ve served over the course of 10 years of ministry, but I don’t think I’m in the majority in that regard. 

What are a few specific ways your congregation has shown that it values your ministry?

Small ways: They laugh with me. We’re silly together. It’s really in the little things – we have a bust of William Shakespeare that our custodian moves to a different, unexpected part of the building every week or so, just for fun. Recently someone put googly eyes on it, which makes it even funnier. We have a pretty robust musical theater ministry, which means every once in a while someone pops into the office with some costume elements they picked up at the thrift store. We test them out, and we just laugh.  

I have occasionally talked about the fact that I played the bassoon through college, but stopped playing when I graduated because I didn’t own one. Recently a church member, who is the band director at a local high school, came into worship and handed me a bassoon reed (it’s a double-reed instrument) and said, “You now have a bassoon on loan in the music office. We expect you to play in the church talent show.” (Yes, we have a church talent show!) So, now I’m trying to learn how to play again. It doesn’t seem like your traditional understanding of “support,” but it reminds us to find joy. Always find joy. 

Larger ways: They pay me well. It feels so obvious that justice-oriented churches should pay their pastors well. Unfortunately, it isn’t a given. I know budgets are tight and times are hard. It’s not always simple. But the reality is many pastors don’t know how they’re going to pay their energy bill, and it is really hard to do good ministry from a place of personal scarcity. In many ways, that’s a whole different blog topic, but I guess I’ll just say this: It is worth the budgetary stretch to pay your pastors well. (P.S. I’m not trying to say I’m making millions over here; just that I have enough.) 

They trust me to make decisions about my time. I’ve heard a lot of pastors talk about their congregants critiquing their schedules: that they’re in the office too much or not enough; they don’t attend enough meetings or need to do more home visits; they should work on their sermons more or be more visible in the community. Time management for pastors is incredibly challenging. Ministry is in the interruptions– and there are so, so, so many interruptions. And on top of that, many of those interruptions are confidential, so we can’t explain why our focus for the day changed so drastically. Especially in a small-staff church, the work of a pastor falls almost entirely under “other duties as assigned.” We might have a plan for the day, but one interruption can send it off the rails. The point is – hearing critiques from church members about how we spend our time is really just salt in the wound that leads pastors to feeling so deeply misunderstood and underappreciated for the hard work of prioritizing when everything feels important. 

I’ve rarely met a pastor who wasn’t working hard. It means a lot to be surrounded by people who really believe we’re doing the best we can.

What difference does that support make for how you show up as a pastoral leader? 

The churches I’ve served have helped me to see that I can lead from a baseline of grace. That means I don’t have to show up perfectly every time. Not every sermon is going to be out of the park. Some days I’m going to be in a bad mood. I show up knowing that the worst case scenario is that “tomorrow is another day to try again.” The worst-case scenario is that someone will come to me and say, “You know, I had a bad day too. You’re not alone.” Sometimes the most beautiful pastoral care moments flow from just being human with other humans. 

And, to return to the point I made about laughing: perfection isn’t very funny anyway. Messing up is funny. Being a human with other humans is funny. And humor is so very, very full of grace. 

What advice would you give to a church wanting to show appreciation to a minister, particularly in this season when pastoral burnout is rampant?

1. Don’t sweat the small stuff. Choose your battles. A bulletin typo isn’t the hill to die on, I promise.

2. When was the last time you asked your pastor how they’re doing? Not, “Good morning, how are you?” but a real, genuine, “How is it with your soul?” Ask it. They might cry. The answer might not be what you want to hear. But I cannot overstate the importance of just letting pastors (or anyone, really!) know we genuinely care about their well-being.

3. I remember once when a colleague asked two questions that I have carried with me: 1. What brings you the most joy in your ministry? 2. Does your congregation know that? I really think it’s easy to lose track of why we’re in this work to begin with. It’s especially easy to lose track of it if we haven’t let our congregation know. If you’re a congregant, my advice is: ask your pastor about their call story. Ask them about where they see God in their ministry today. Ask them what brings them joy in ministry. If you’re a pastor you might need to offer some prompting: tell your call story. Tell your church where you saw God this week. Tell them why you’ve dedicated so much of your life to this messy human institution. Because when we begin to tell stories about discipleship and grace and joy, we start to remember why church matters, and that’s where the Spirit thrives. 
   

[Since this is one of my favorite resources I’ve created, I like to share it annually in time for congregations to distribute it before November 1. Enjoy!]

Sometimes I wish All Saints’ Day could be more than, well, one day. Our lives are shaped by so many people who have gone before, whether we knew them personally or not. I think we could all benefit from reflecting on their influence and considering what parts of their legacies to carry forward.

Since All Saints’ Day is November 1, and since we are already inclined toward thanks-living during November, I have put together a month-long prayer calendar with daily prompts to remember a departed saint whose impact has been significant. This calendar is available as a copier-friendly PDF. Feel free to share the calendar on social media, print it for your church members or yourself, or use it as your November newsletter article.

Even as church life and ministry are challenging right now, I am very hopeful. One of the reasons is because I believe that all of the turnover in pastoral positions will lead to more congregations looking in different places for new kinds of leaders. I write about this phenomenon as an opportunity for congregations in the latest issue of CBF’s Fellowship Magazine. You can read the article by clicking here and navigating to page 24.

Photo by Katerina Pavlyuchkova on Unsplash.

Some churches that have long had a full-time pastor are beginning to imagine what it would look like to laser-focus the pastor’s time, energy, and responsibilities. If your congregation is in this space, check out this article I wrote for the Cooperative Baptist Fellowship blog about things to think about during this staffing model transition. And, spoiler alert, while this change might be challenging, really beautiful, faithful outcomes are possible.

Photo by Zachary Keimig on Unsplash.

I recently wrote a blog post for the Cooperative Baptist Fellowship about the importance of playing, not just praying, together. You can read the article here, but the gist is that play has all kinds of benefits in congregational life. In individuals, it opens up neural pathways for creativity. Between individuals, it starts or solidifies relationships. Within communities, it strengthens connective tissue and builds agility. And besides all of that, play is fun!

The aforementioned piece spoke more to play at a congregational level. I want to offer a few ways to incorporate it into smaller and more focused groups such as meetings, because we've all sat in meetings where conflict simmered, energy tanked, or the ideas just weren’t flowing. Play can help with all of these challenges. Here, then, are some ways to bring it in:

Divide people into pairs and ask them to tell each other a story about a time… You can fill in the dots with any prompt. Sometimes it might be more silly, other times more serious, depending on the purpose and timing of the storytelling.

Play a few rounds of Pictionary or Charades. You can do this at the beginning of a meeting to set the tone or later to open up hearts and minds before introducing an agenda item.

Ask people to draw, sculpt (using Play Doh), or build (using Lego) an idea or a response to a question. The people in your meeting will access a different part of their brains than if you asked them to respond in words, meaning you might get more information and from a bigger range of people than the normal conversation dominators.

Pray in color. Prayers don’t have to be spoken. Set aside time for people to color (on a blank sheet of paper or on a coloring sheet. The room might be silent, or there could be music playing or someone reading scripture. (Find more ideas here.) Also, encourage people to doodle freely during the whole of the meeting.

Have a dance break. Kids get recess. What do adults get? Nothing. What do we want? A dance party! Put on an up-tempo song and invite people to move their bodies however feels comfortable. This is a great way to amp up energy.

Build a story together. One person starts with “Once upon a time…” The next person adds the next bit, another builds on what the previous two people said, and so on. You can instruct people to jump in with phrases or single words. This game can offer levity and get people working together and listening to one another.

Have an emergency play bin handy. You can put anything you like in it: bubbles, art supplies, Play Doh, fidget toys, building toys, puzzles, minifigures, and more. Advertise that it’s in the room and available for use whenever anyone would like to use it. Alternatively, open it up when needed for everyone to get out an activity that will help them engage more fully with the purpose at hand.

These are just a few ideas. You probably have many more to add. That’s great! The important thing is to ramp up joy and innovation and especially to connect to one another in new ways.

Photo by Vanessa Bucceri on Unsplash.

Some of my coachees have found the categories used in this article helpful for picking apart why everything feels so big and unwieldy right now. I hope that this piece also offers some useful suggestions on how to focus on fewer tasks right now until we can all rebuild some capacity and momentum. Click here to read on the Cooperative Baptist Fellowship blog.

Photo by Jené Stephaniuk on Unsplash.

It’s happening. The wave of people leaving pastoral ministry is gathering momentum. For some it’s because they are so dang tired. For others it’s because they’re being nudged to use their gifts and energy in other spaces, whether that’s a different kind of ministry, another field altogether, or unpaid-yet-no-less valuable labor (e.g., caring for young children or aging parents). I think that underneath all of these faithful responses to leaving a congregation, though, is a question that is both practical and existential:

Does my ministry matter?

Pastors are asking this because as they were preaching God’s command to care for one another these past two years, God’s people were fighting about whether they had to wear masks and acknowledge - much less address - systemic racism.

Pastors are asking this because they have taken on more than ever, yet some in their churches are asking them to do more.

Pastors are asking this because their congregants are citing Covid caution as their reason for not coming back to worship while their social media feeds tell a different story.

Pastors are asking this because the world is on fire, and they feel increasingly less able to identify where and how to make an impact.

Pastors are asking this because the pandemic made them re-examine everything about their ministries.

Pastors are asking this because some members are eager to go back to the way things were, while clergy know there is no going back.

In other words, this crisis of vocation and identity is totally understandable.

And, what you do matters so much, pastors.

You love us like Jesus does, even when we aren’t very easy to love.

You tell us that God made us and called us good, no matter what others might call us.

You invite us into communities of belonging, and what could be more sacred than that?

You nurture our spirits, challenge us, and offer us hope, whatever is happening around us.

You sensitize us to God’s invitations.

You celebrate life’s highlights alongside us.

You accompany us through the deepest of difficulties.

You prophesy, speaking on God’s behalf even when we want to put our hands over our ears.

You urge us to be better, to be the good God breathed into life.

You remind us that we have all we need as long as we share.

You provide stability when everything - including the Church - is changing.

You send us out, inspired to be Christ’s hands and feet and to bring a little more of God’s reign right here to Earth.

You do the behind-the-scenes work that few ever know about that makes all of the above possible.

Everything is hard now. It’s not just you, and it’s not your imagination. If you need a break, please take one. If you need to live out your calling in a new context, look for that outlet. God wants good for you too. But know that who you are and how you show up and what you do - it’s so faithful, and it’s valuable beyond what anyone can pinpoint.

Blessings on you, pastors, beloved bearers of God’s love and abundance.

Photo by Emily Morter on Unsplash.

Often the B plot (sometimes even the A plot) of a coaching conversation is centered on the dynamics of working with someone on the church staff who is also a congregation member. It’s tricky. Usually it’s unadvisable. But you might inherit such a situation when you start a new call, or you might even have a church member who is both very self-aware and a great fit for an open staff position. This piece I wrote for the CBF blog breaks down the pluses and minuses of having a member in a dual role and gives some guidance for how to navigate the circumstances well. Click through to read.

Photo by Eric Prouzet on Unsplash.

Coaching is not just for individuals! Did you know that I also coach church staffs, teams of lay leaders, and entire congregations? Anytime there is a gap between where you (as an individual or as a collective) are and where you want to be, there is fertile soil for coaching. A coach approach to meeting benchmarks and overcoming challenges can provide structure, tools, and encouragement to groups as they strategize in ways that make sense in their context and utilize their specific gifts. Coaching also builds ownership of new insights and plans among coachees, because it does not result in a solution handed down by an outside “expert.” In coaching the people doing the work in a particular space are understood as the true experts, and they are the ones who map the way forward.

And guess what? This time of year tends to be one of the best seasons for coaching. Summer vacations are tapering off, so it’s easier for groups seeking coaching to meet consistently. Fall programming is mostly settled. There’s some breathing room in the liturgical calendar before Advent, when the focus (rightfully) shifts to the journey to Bethlehem.

Coaching doesn’t have to break your church’s budget, either. Now that we are all very familiar with video conferencing, you only need to plan for an hourly coaching rate. No longer do you have to worry about travel and other expenses that can add up quickly.

If you sense that your congregation (or some segment of it) needs the kind of nudge that coaching could provide, here are some areas in which I specialize:

Congregational self-study during pastoral transitions. In the time between settled pastors, it’s important to do this good work to undergird the search for a great-fit minister. Who is our church apart from the personality and passions of our former leader?

Figuring out church after(ish) Covid-19. In pre-post-pandemic, many questions remain in order not just to do church but to be church. What is our role in the world after a big shift in people’s priorities and ways of life? How do we rebuild relationships and establish new ones both within our congregation and in the larger community based on what we’ve learned about ourselves and our neighbors over the past couple of years?

Setting new touchstones and metrics. The pandemic shook many markers loose. What is it that is consistently grounding for and true about our congregation? What are helpful benchmarks that let us know our impact in partnership with God?

Visioning and discerning next steps. We might only see half-steps forward right now, but we can figure out how to recognize them. How do we listen for invitations from God? How do we engage in a continuous cycle of experimentation, assessment, and learning in a way that brings excitement and delight instead of a sense of failure and shame?

Pastor searches. Teams of laypeople (appropriately) have a lot of questions about how to find someone for a role they themselves have never held. What do we need a pastor to do? Where do we look for people who can do these things? How do we invite candidates to consider our ministry opportunity out of a spirit of welcome and generosity?

I would love the chance to talk with you about any of these congregational coaching possibilities, as well as potential coaching topics that are not mentioned above. Please schedule a free exploratory call here. If you don’t see a time that works for you, contact me so that we can figure out a window that will.

Back in January I had the opportunity to interview several pastors for one of my Doctor of Ministry papers. The topic was technology shifts during the pandemic and the resulting impact on congregations and their leaders. One conversation in particular fascinated me. This interviewee’s church had long established play as one of its values. The pastor helped congregants draw on this value in new ways during Covid, thus allowing individual members to retain their connections with one another and helping the church as a whole weather the challenges of lockdown. In the latest edition of Fellowship Magazine, I write about the many ways that play makes congregations more connected and adaptable. Click here to read the article, which can be found on page 31.

Photo by Nik Korba on Unsplash.

When I was in college, my dad would mail me motivational photos cut out of business publications. You know the kind - a person standing on a mountain peak, with a quote underneath about giving it your all. The encouragement, the time spent finding and mailing the pictures, and the willingness to dissect his magazines were all expressions of my dad’s love. Hopefully we’ve all had someone in our lives who has pushed us to dream big, to work hard. There are times when we really need that kind of support.

This is not that time.

The more I talk with pastors and lay leaders, the more I think that this is a season to go small, to ease off the gas. Clergy are crispy-fried, even the ones who are not in the midst of vocational crisis. Laypeople are exhausted too, whether it is from stepping up even more at church during the pandemic, worrying about and caring for their kids or parents, or wondering what the future holds for their work lives or their retirement account balances. Even so, the capitalistic heartbeat that powers our culture intones, “Do more.” Thump thump. “Be more.” Thump thump. “Count numbers.” Thump thump. “Go back (to the way things were pre-Covid.)” Thump thump. This is an anxious response and an unrealistic approach to the profound ways in which our world and the Church are changing.

I want to suggest an opposite approach: going small. Yes, we need to do some things differently, because our burnout and our scarcity tunnel vision won’t magically resolve themselves. So look for a small tweak that might make a large impact. Spend one minute outside after you’ve finished your lunch, soaking in Vitamin D and deepening your breaths. Or end each day with a single reflection question, such as, “When did I experience joy today?” Or read one page of a book (for fun) that has been gathering dust on your nightstand.

Thinking small goes for congregations too. This is likely not the time for long-range planning. With energy so low, it might not even be the season for discerning or re-examining shared values. So name a hymn or a long-practiced ritual that says something about your congregation’s identity and use it as a touchstone for considering unexpected invitations from God. When starting new things (or even re-starting former initiatives), be clear about what the “yes” involves and what “no” is needed to counterbalance.

We all want to be faithful. We strive to minister to those in need. To do both for the long haul, we need to recalibrate for sustainability. Going small offers us a way to build momentum and muscle, growing our capacity and impact in the process.

In the meantime, instead of a motivational poster of someone reaching a mountain peak, imagine a kitty poster that encourages you to “hang in there.”

Photo by Igor Kyryliuk on Unsplash.

I recently wrote that I think the traditional committee structure is on its way out. If your leadership infrastructure isn’t working for your congregation, it is essential that the meetings you do have are meaningful spiritually as well as practically. Over on the Cooperative Baptist Fellowship blog, I have a piece up about how to make your meetings worshipful work. Click here to read the post.

Photo by PJ Gal-Szabo on Unsplash.

Hopefully we are now nearing the end of Covid-19 as a defining reality of our lives. The effects of the pandemic are likely to be long lasting, though. Finances (personal and institutional), politics (since Covid became such a wedge issue), and relationships (deepening or stretching, sometimes to the breaking point) are a few of the areas in which we will all continue to deal with fallout.

In my work I talk with a lot of clergy who are having a crisis of vocation either brought on or amplified by the pandemic. But I’m noticing that in general the repercussions vary according to when each pastor entered the system:

Those who were already contemplating retirement or a change in contexts. These pastors tried to hang on for a bit to get their congregations through the pandemic. When it became clear that the end of Covid was not imminent, many (understandably) decided to make their exits rather than persist under the stress of pastoring during a pandemic.

Those who were serving in their context for more than a year pre-Covid. These pastors got a full cycle of firsts under their belts before the pandemic arrived and put everything familiar in disarray. They had had some time to understand their contexts, build trust, and inhabit the role of leader. (They also had had enough exposure that they had begun to develop detractors, as happens in any pastorate.)

Those who had served less than a year but had at least led during a major liturgical season (e.g., Advent) pre-Covid. Going through major observances and signature events together often serves to bond pastor and people in mutual ministry. The relationships were still new and fragile, though.

Those who started their roles in January, February, or early March 2020. Many of these pastors are really struggling. They started a position and didn’t even get their feet underneath them before the floor dropped out. With varying degrees of success they have cobbled together their understanding of congregational culture and their ever-altering place in it.

Those who changed churches mid-pandemic. Some of these leaders are only just now getting to know their people in person after lots of time together online. They had to try to build relationships in less traditional ways, and sometimes they had to launch experiments and make decisions without all of the information that in-person community offers.

Those who are coming into new-to-them churches in this pre-post-Covid time. The Covid fog seems to be clearing, and now a new phase of the work begins. Pastors in new-to-them churches are, then, jumping into big questions without the benefit of the honeymoon period that many ministers enjoyed in The Before. How do we right-size our infrastructure? Are these people we haven’t seen in a long time gone for good? Do we keep up hybrid worship or switch back to fully in-person? What will the polarization of the last election and the partisanship around Covid mean for relationships among church members? What work around anti-racism is more possible and pressing now that we have physically re-gathered?

I make these distinctions to highlight that the pandemic has been challenging to all pastors (and all people!) and that there are nuances to the issues. I hope that lining out the obstacles to thriving for each group helps leaders locate themselves and begin to see why varying aspects of Covid have been harder or easier depending on each pastor’s level of rootedness in the context. Naming the barriers is the first step toward strategizing ways to minimize or maneuver around them.

A note to congregations: not every pastor is in vocational crisis. Some are even thriving. But all are attending to the challenges that the pandemic has presented to them as clergy and as humans. Please keep this in mind when your hopes for your church or your expectations for your minister’s leadership do not align with what is unfolding.

Photo by Markus Spiske on Unsplash.

Yes, your church will want to speed up the search process to put an end to the discomfort and uncertainty of not having a settled pastor. Over at the Cooperative Baptist Fellowship blog, though, I share what gifts of a search your congregation will miss if you hit the fast forward button. Click here to read the article.

Photo by Brett Jordan on Unsplash.

Prior to the pandemic many churches were struggling to fill their committee slates. This was due to a host of reasons:

• Many church structures are holdovers from an era when congregations - and thus their leadership needs - were bigger.

• There are so many tugs on congregants’ time, making it hard to make monthly, multi-year commitments.

• Church members who are older or who have children with early bedtimes are less likely to attend evening meetings.

• Recruitment is often geared more toward filling slots than helping people discern how their gifts might help a church live into its purpose.

• Many congregations don’t develop leadership pipelines, which means current leaders tend to be burned out and potential leaders aren’t sure how to contribute.

All of these factors remain, hence the present tense used above. In this pre-post-Covid time, there are now added considerations:

• Some of the former stalwarts in congregations have drifted away to other churches or no church.

• People have connected with the virtual or hybrid manifestations of church and are now engaging in that space rather than coming as often to the church campus.

• Certain segments of the general population are completely wrung out from their pandemic experience (e.g., caregivers of young kids or aging parents and healthcare workers) and unwilling to add on big commitments.

• People’s priorities have shifted under the pressure of long-term crisis.

What all of this is resulting in is a never-ending cycle of nominations for a committee system that isn’t working in many places. So what can you do?

• Send the structure on sabbatical. There must be a mechanism for making key decisions and for extending congregational care. Beyond that, lay leadership can take a proactive break - as opposed to the one forced by the pandemic - for three months. After that time, talk about what that was like. What relief did that pause offer? What did you all miss? What wisdom bubbled up?

• Note where the energy is. After the pause have conversations with leadership and beyond about the hopes they have and the needs they see in and beyond the congregation. How do these align with your church’s values and mission? What does that mean for what you might want to experiment with?

• Consider how shorter-term projects could increase involvement. Standing committees are one way to get things done, but they are not the only way. Some ministry areas lend themselves to seasonal teams. By inviting people to join a group for a one-off event or a certain period of participation (e.g., plan worship for Advent), you increase excitement and the available pool of people (including those who join you online or who have busy seasons in their paid or unpaid jobs they have to work around), decrease the risk of the same few people doing all the things, and bring in new voices on a regular basis.

• Make meetings worth participants’ time. Gather at the times and by the means that work best for those involved. Create a plug-and-play agenda template. Have a spiritual formation/worship piece, a relationship-building piece, a business piece, and a wrap-up piece that ties the other three together. (If your structure is doing to look different, why not make the meetings run differently?) Here’s one shape that closing piece can take:

  • What invitations from God have we sensed in our time together?

  • What does that mean for next steps?

  • To what actions are we committing?

  • What’s left hanging?

  • How are you feeling about how we worked together today?

• Look at the by-laws. If you blow up your committee structure, your documents will need to reflect this change. Accurate documents build trust and transparency in processes and provide a touchstone when there’s confusion or disagreement. Don’t let this step stop you from making needed changes, though. Dotting the Is and crossing the Ts will be a small price to pay for renewed and refocused congregational energy.

So let’s do it. Let’s call time of death on the committee structure, bury it, and see what new life results.

Photo by Mathew MacQuarrie on Unsplash.

A recurring frustration for the pastors I coach is this refrain from church members: “If we could just bring in more young families, our congregation would be vibrant again.” While I have empathy for the grief behind this statement, the idea itself is false. In this piece for the Cooperative Baptist Fellowship blog, I explain why and also give tips for congregations that are willing to put in the work to welcome young families. Click here to read it.

[Note: I wrote this piece a couple of months ago and submitted it to CBF in mid-May. I would now title the article differently, something like “Why bringing in young families is not the cure-all for your congregation.”]

Photo by Priscilla Du Preez on Unsplash.

Theodore Roosevelt once said, “Comparison is the thief of joy.” I’d second that and add that it’s also a killer of calling.

Lots of pastors suffer under the weight of comparison. Sometimes it’s parishioners who are holding up one clergyperson against another, whether in their words or in their thoughts. “Our former minister did it this way.” “If only you could be more like the pastor at the church across town.”

At other times we take our own measurement against another clergyperson. “I wish I could be the beloved [preacher, pastoral care giver, etc.] this other minister is.” “How does that pastor get it all done? I feel exhausted, and I’ve only accomplished a fraction of what she seems to do.”

Comparison comes from a scarcity mindset. Someone (you, me, or another person) is not enough. Together we do not have enough. It keeps us from fully connecting with one another, because we feel defensive to protect what is ours. As a result, we do not come together in the kind of community that celebrates and inter-weaves the distinctions among us. We do not fully trust God’s intentions or presence, thinking something essential is being withheld from us.

The impact for pastors (for anyone under the microscope of comparison) can be devastating spiritually, emotionally, relationally, and often even physically as our exhaustion from trying too hard adds up. We feel unseen, unheard, not valued. We can’t imagine that God has brought us, with our lack of skills or experience, to serve these people. Or we can’t imagine that God has brought us to serve these people, with their lack of graciousness.

Here’s the deal. In his book Flourishing in Ministry: How to Cultivate Clergy Well-Being, Matt Bloom noted there are more than sixty (!) separate pastoral competencies. And that was before the pandemic, during which many ministers added other skills out of necessity. Here, then, are some things that clergy and congregants need to know:

No minister is great at every pastoral competency. It simply isn’t possible for mere mortals do everything well.

A good-fit leader at another church might be a mismatch for yours. Ministry is highly contextual.

Some gifts are more visible than others. Anyone can hear and see how a pastor preaches (though, it should be noted, not everyone will appreciate the same preaching style). Many aspects of ministry are somewhat invisible. Only particular congregants might know the fullness of a clergyperson’s pastoral care to them. The importance of administrative skills is sometimes only apparent when these gifts are lacking.

Over-functioning is not a virtue. Our culture teaches us that our worth is measured in how much time we put in at work. This is not a biblical value.

Job descriptions matter. Some churches don’t even have them! This is a recipe not just for comparison but also for conflict. Congregations need particular focal points and constellations of gifts in their pastors in different seasons. Job descriptions make it clear what the pastor is responsible for and, by turn, what the congregation’s role is in mutual ministry. This clarity sets appropriate expectations and serves as a touchstone when there are disagreements.

Knowing your skills, values, and purpose is crucial. This goes for clergy and congregations. We will always be rolling a big boulder up a steep hill, the weight of it threatening to crush us, if we aren’t clear-eyed about who we are and what we’re about.

As Christians all of us have only one person truly worth comparing ourselves to - Jesus - and we will always come up short as we are continually redeemed and remade. So instead of measuring people against each other, let’s lean into who we have been created to be and how we’ve been equipped. If we can do this, we can bring our distinctiveness together in unity toward helping bring about God’s reign.

Photo by Dietmar Becker on Unsplash.

Recently I published an article on the Cooperative Baptist Fellowship blog about “Becoming a hybrid congregation.” It is essentially a part three in the “Is your congregation’s future hybrid?” series. (You can find parts one and two on my blog.) While the pieces on my blog are more about discerning and planning, the CBF post is about big picture thinking about whether and how being a hybrid church aligns with your congregation’s identity. You can find the CBF article here.

Photo by Chris Montgomery on Unsplash.