Lenten blog series: impostor syndrome (week 3)
Impostor syndrome is all about imprisonment by expectations, whether they are our own or someone else’s, whether they are spoken aloud or unstated. We’re afraid that we’re not going to stack up to what we “should” be. (“Should” is a more toxic word than any four-letter curse.) Then we wish away who we are in an ill-fated attempt to put on a public persona that doesn’t fit, like when I wore a navy pantsuit to an interview for a job in college. I didn’t initially get the job, and part of the reason was that stupid suit with the ginormous shoulder pads. My interviewer, who offered me the position after the first choice candidate turned it down, later let me know that the suit made my 4’10” self look like a little girl playing dress up. It hid my superpower, which was an unassuming look that belied my toughness in conflicted situations.
Do you know who else didn’t live up to expectations? [Insert the standard, but correct, Sunday School answer here.] Yup. Jesus was not what the people anticipated a Messiah to look or act like. He was not mighty in a military sense. He did not use force to overthrow unjust institutions once and for all. He did not sort people easily into those who do and don’t follow the rules, into the clean and unclean. He didn’t bluster. He didn’t usher in God’s full reign shortly.
Sure, the distance between expectation and reality was what got Jesus in trouble. (It can be dangerous for us too, because we’ll at times be pushing against long-held yearnings or deep-seated biases.) It was also what made him a savior and the harbinger of God’s realm, characterized by grace and peace. The Incarnation was intended to be a reflection of God and God’s dream, not the people’s expectations.
Not trying to be something we’re not and instead moving about our work and lives authentically is an act of following Christ, then. It is courage embodied, as it makes others face their assumptions and biases, which many will fight hard to maintain. It encourages others to be faithful to their unique expressions of God’s image within.
If you could look squarely in Jesus’ face, then, what would he say to you? What would he lift up and affirm in you? How would he gently challenge you? Imagine yourself in conversation with this God-in-flesh who knows how hard it is to shake off the shackles of unhelpful, status-quo-protecting expectations. Then turn, in your mind or in reality, toward someone you’d like to encourage to be more fully themselves. What would you say to that person? Allow those words to volley back as wisdom and compassion for yourself.
If you like this post, check out week 1 and week 2 of this series.
Photo by Will Myers on Unsplash.